NEW AFTERSHAVE COVERS STRIP CLUB SCENTS: A strip club in South Africa has unleashed a new line of aftershave products that smell like the excuses a man might give his wife if he spent the night at a strip club. The line is called "Alibi" and has several scents including one called "My Car Broke Down" which smells like fuel, burnt rubber, grease and steel. (FARK)

DAD GETS RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST SON'S BULLY: A father in Southern California has obtained a restraining order against a kid who allegedly threatened his 10-year-old son Christopher with a knife. Robert Casteel said, "My son was terrified. I kept him home for five days until I got the restraining order." The order requires the bully to stay at least 20 feet away from Christopher. (Los Angeles Times)

ELEPHANT GETS CONTACT LENS: Officials at the Artis Zoo in Amsterdam have outfitted a 45-year-old Asian elephant with a contact lens. The elephant, Win Thilda, hurt her eye during a fight with another elephant. A veterinarian who performed the surgery on the elephant said, "I was called in when the zoo reported that Win Thida's eye was painful and streaming. The main difficulty was her height. Elephants can't lie down for long before their immense weight impairs their breathing, so I used a ladder to get close enough. It wasn't ideal, but it worked. She seemed happier straight away."(UPI)

CRAIGSLIST POST REQUESTS FOOTBALL HELP TO IMPRESS GIRLFRIEND: An anonymous Brooklyn, New York Craigslist poster is seeking a Super Bowl tutor to help him figure out the game before he has to attend a party at his ex-girlfriend's house. The poster explains, "My girlfriend and I were just invited to a Super Bowl party at her ex-boyfriend's apartment, and to be honest, last time I met him he told me he played football in college and I responded that I did as well -- which was a lie. I guess I just panicked and wanted to impress my girlfriend." He continued, "So I need someone who can quickly teach me... This is really important to me. I think my girlfriend still really likes her ex. I'm offering $500, but would be willing to go higher if you're an actual college or professional football quarterback." The post concludes, "And if you would be willing to text me good comments to say during the game, I'd to pay you an extra $100 for that. Maybe more if they're good comments." (Huffington Post)